Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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