guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Man, jail baloney is awful.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
