Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
