Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
