You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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