when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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