I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
