Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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