I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
