I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
