Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
