He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
