Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
