Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
