her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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