Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
