I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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