Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
