I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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