We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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