So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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