He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
