When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
