he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
