And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
