Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
