I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
