8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
