Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
