I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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