i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
