apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Drunk is not a location!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
