I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
