we have pet lesbian snakes
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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