I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
