Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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