how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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