I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
