What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
