I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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