Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
