smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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