I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
