sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
