I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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