the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I can't put those talents on a resume
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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