you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
