My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
