Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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