I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I need to stop coming to work sober
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
