would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
