shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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